The Great Experiment

Back at it...

Tue, 24 May 2011 13:11:43 -0700

I admit it… I took an unscheduled hiatus. To be honest, I wasn’t in the mood to chronicle what was turning into a series of failures to lose weight. As I said in the very beginning, I might need additional help. Today I’m looking into joining Weight Watchers online and, darn it, I’ve gotta get a food scale.

I will post again soon with my progress.

It's My Birthday...

Sat, 30 Apr 2011 18:28:40 -0700

Today is my birthday. It’s been a pretty quiet day which, in all honesty, I needed greatly. I was supposed to work again today but last night they decided to give me the day off. I did weigh myself this morning…I don’t want to talk about it. I’ve got to try harder. Somehow, my diet needs to be top priority. In my defense, however, these last couple days have been a little challenging. My mood hasn’t exactly been conducive to self preservation but that’s another story all together.

Anyways, tomorrow is the day for celebrating my birthday. My sister, brother-in-law, and maybe a niece or nephew are taking me to dinner. That should be fun.

There’s not much else to write about. Since I don’t have to go to work tomorrow I think I’ll plan my meals for the week. I’ll post them when I finish.

I'm All Over The Place

Wed, 27 Apr 2011 17:01:23 -0700

Seriously, I’ve got to get myself together. The diet focus isn’t there, I’m distracted at work, when people talk to me it sounds really loud, and I want to be alone all the time. This is the definition of NOT centered. You have to be centered when you are on a diet. Nice and calm. I’m just not there yet. Nonetheless, I will be stepping on the scale tomorrow. I’ve been walking to work religously and I’m getting faster and faster so even if I didn’t lose any weight I know I am getting fitter. At least that’s something. Tonight for dinner - the usual - Weight Watchers lasagne florentine. For dessert, frozen grapes. I LOVE frozen grapes. I think the red seedless grapes are better tasting than green grapes. Tonight I am making my sandwich to take to work tomorrow. It will be special tuna. Here’s how you make special tuna:

1 can of tuna packed in water.

1 plastic carton of pre-washed and diced vegetables from the grocery store.

Dijon mustard (as much as you want.)

A VERY small amount of mayonaise - like a teaspoon.

Mix all together. It makes enough for about 3 regular sandwiches.

I’m going to go back to reading my book now. I just got done reading The Glass Castle by Jeanette Walls…Uh…That book is a trip. It’s a memoir. There’s all kinds of dysfunction going on in that family. I’m now reading a new release called Redemption by Stacey Lannert. It’s more non-fiction. Stacey killed her father because he was abusing her and she went to jail for it. Then, out of the blue, she was released after being in the joint for 18 years. It’s pretty interesting but really sad. My next book is definitely going to be this year’s Pulitzer Prize winner for fiction: A Visit from the Goon Squad by Egan (I forget her first name.) That’s what’s next on the list. Wow… I’m being such a book nerd right now… Sorry ya’ll.

I’m about to go to work. I feel dazed today, like I’m not really here. I hate feeling...

Mon, 25 Apr 2011 14:31:05 -0700

I’m about to go to work.

I feel dazed today, like I’m not really here. I hate feeling like this. Dieting is the last thing on my mind but so is eating. It’s one of those days when I have no idea how I’m going to complete my shift. I’ll walk to work. Maybe that will put me in better spirits.

I have the day off tomorrow. Perhaps I’ll feel better then. I’m sure you are anxiously awaiting my “play by play” of the Easter festivities yesterday.

PART II:Saturday

Sat, 23 Apr 2011 12:49:06 -0700

Uh…I’m back. I’m sweating and my face looks like a boiled lobster. But I’m feeling like I accomplished something healthy for myself. I am also stoned on endorphins. I’m completely mellow, ya dig?

I am sipping water right now. It is spiked with a Bach flower essence called “Rescue Remedy.” It really makes the water tastes good. Just put a squirt of it in your water and voila, natural stress relief, or so they claim. I just put it in because I have trouble drinking a lot of water so having it taste good or different helps me out.

Well, it’s time to dye Easter eggs at my sisters house. Everybody is in pre-game for tomorrow’s festivities.

2 For $5

Sat, 23 Apr 2011 11:22:19 -0700

I love Ralph’s grocery store. They put stuff on sale that people actually buy. This morning I went there and my Weight Watchers Lasagne Florentine was 2 for $5 as was my almond milk. I am stocked up for the coming week.

So, I’m contemplating going for a very short jog in a couple minutes. I just want to see what I’m capable of doing. I do have to be careful because I have an ankle injury. If it starts to hurt I’ll stop. But I want to “step it up” a notch. After all, I really am an athlete at heart.

I’ve eaten lunch (vegetable/tuna sandwich) and had Kashi cereal for breakfast. I have not strayed so far today. I’m in control…

OK… I’ll do it. I’m going to go. I will report back to you all when I get back and after I catch my breath.

Great! I will be in NYC, May 24-31, then down to LA for first 2 weeks of June. So either beginning/mid-May or mid/late June works for me. What works for you? (that's my question)

:)

Fri, 22 Apr 2011 17:16:39 -0700

Dear chrissy, mid May will probably be best. so, pump up the air mattress!

thanks for posting. I too have been trying to be patience.

Fri, 22 Apr 2011 17:08:28 -0700

we’ll keep trying together.

Big Brother Weighs In...

Fri, 22 Apr 2011 17:04:58 -0700

So today…um…I’m not sure if I’m allowed to write this because it involves work…We got a memo today informing us that if we blog or use any other social network that we have to behave ourselves and not talk about work …And here I sit - talking about work. The memo said that we can’t make any derogatory statements, or say that the company endorses our convoluted ideas. Fair enough. But I bet if I walked into the head office and told them I wanted to lose weight, they would take one look at me and take the official position that I should do it. But I’m just speculating. Far be it from me to put words in people’s mouths.

The truth is I’m glad the company decided to do that. I’ve seen some pretty lame stuff on the internet about the company I work for. Like one time I saw a picture of a sign that said: “bathroom is for customers only.” Underneath the picture the person wrote that there was the proof that the company I work for doesn’t let the employees use the bathroom. That’s a big fat lie. Quite frankly I like where I work. Sure everyone has days when they don’t want to be there, but for the most part I have a good time. Being around books is a good thing.

Now, on to the diet update…

So far I have eaten everything I said I would eat excluding dinner because it’s only 4:50PM. I just got coffee on my walk to work this morning - that’s a first. No chocolate croissant. However, on my way home from work I bought pretzel bits. I didn’t eat them all though. I realized I was just eating to eat so I threw them away. I have to say that I am still enjoying walking to work. I’ve noticed my legs are getting stronger and I’m walking faster and faster. I get a feeling of accomplishment knowing that almost every day I walk 3.2 miles.

So…Tomorrow. It’s the day before Easter and eating sensibly may be a challenge. There’s going to be a big to-do at my sister’s house on Sunday and tomorrow there’s going to be a lot of food prepping. I am going to concentrate on what I eat and try to avoid nibbling on food too much unless it’s vegetables. I suppose I should weigh myself again soon. After Easter feels right.

Computer Hell

Thu, 21 Apr 2011 21:34:51 -0700

I’m trying my hardest to be patient.

It’s hard when I spent my whole day dealing with modem and printer problems. I don’t like the phone. I don’t like talking that much. When I do use the phone I usually only talk to people I know and like. So you can imagine how irritated I have become spending what was supposed to be a leisurely day off talking for 6 hours to tech support people. The fourth time I called my internet provider I was about ready to blow a gasket. I thought it only fair that I warn the poor lady on the line that I was very frustrated. The long and the short of it is this: She decided that I needed a new device. She put in an order for it to be sent to me. Two working business days is how long it will take. Ok… I’ll find other ways to pass the time. So I hang up and become extraordinarily depressed because after all that time and having thought that the problems were fixed I still had no internet access. Then I tried one last time. The computer all of a sudden recognized everything and went online as if nothing had happened. So here I sit…I wasted a precious day off and am right back where I was at the beginning of the day (only now it’s the end of the day and I have to go to bed soon.)

Ok. Let’s change the subject and move on to more important things. Tomorrow’s meal plan.

BREAKFAST - rice cakes and almond butter

LUNCH - special tuna and veggie sandwich

DINNER - Weight watchers Lasagne Florentine.

I’m starting off easy. I’m not in the mood to do a whole lot of cooking and I realize that I could probably make more interesting food choices but… tough, I’m in a bad mood.

It’s important to put all this in perspective though…It’s Easter time and I need to cool it. While sometimes I have serious doubts about my faith and beliefs I can’t help but show some reverence. God or not, let’s be honest, Jesus really took one for the team and when I think about that, my computer problems and my diet challenges seem idiotic in comparison.

everyday we are new, every moment really. excited to hear about you recognizing and embracing the changes in you. my question is: when you getting your butt up to SF so we can go stalk some damn parrots??!!

p.s. love you!

Sun, 17 Apr 2011 20:35:49 -0700

Ok… The tone of your question appears to be more of an order for me to come up to SF rather than sincere curiosity. So my answer to you is this: You are a dear friend. I value your support and am thoroughly amused that your picture is of a plate of french fries. After I read your question I marched my fat butt into the manager’s office and put in for some vacation time. There will be 2 weeks in May that I will be off (not consecutive weeks because the company frowns on that) and if you are not travelling about the country taking world class photographs, I will pack my binoculars (for better parrot stalking) and a change of underwear and make the pilgrimage to see you for some of that time. We’ll iron out the details as the vacation nears.

Hope that answers your “question.”

And, by the way, love you too.

So are you saying that change might be a good thing?
My real question to you is what exactly is the great experiment?
Is it a challenge to lose weight?
A challenge to speculate on life?

Sun, 17 Apr 2011 20:07:54 -0700

Dear Anonymous (who happens to be my sister,)

I’m getting the vibe that you would like more brass tacks on the diet thing. I’ve decided to plan my meals and post them so that, if you like, you can try out any or all of my food choices.

As is evident by my previous posts, it is no challenge at all for me to speculate on life. Deciding my purpose and trying to figure out what I feel is the challenge there.

So, I guess The Great Experiment primarily involves losing weight … But losing weight implies a significant change in how I view myself… I can’t quite get my head around it yet, so, acquiring clarity is also part of The Great Experiment.

I Haven't Forgotten

Sun, 17 Apr 2011 19:53:55 -0700

My dear readers,

I haven’t forgotten you. I’ve just been so busy that when I get home from work all I can think about is sleep. HOWEVER, work ends at 3PM tomorrow, and I won’t have to return to work until 7AM Wednesday morning. I have much to blog about. Tomorrow, I’ll recommit to writing more. But now I must sleep…

WHERE WOULD YOU MOST LIKE TO VISIT ON YOUR PLANET?

Sat, 09 Apr 2011 20:40:16 -0700

Assuming my planet is Earth, and that may be a big asumption,

I’d like to walk “The King’s Highway,” the El Camino Real trail in Europe.

I would love to visit New Orleans, LA.

But if I had just one choice… The Serengeti in Tanzania, Africa. I want to see lions and cheetahs.

Change is Good...

Sat, 09 Apr 2011 20:10:18 -0700

And here’s why…

#1. I think I figured out how to let you all who are reading this post ask questions and write comments to my entries if you want… I think…I won’t be sure until someone takes the leap and writes something. The blog has changed.

#2. I’ve lost 2 pounds. I think that all that walking saved me from certain disaster. The body has changed.

#3. It’s been a coon’s age since I had Saturday off. I’m so grateful for the break. The day off changed.

#4. I thought I’d go on an adventure this afternoon and see what trouble I could get into at Whole Foods. I found Icelandic nonfat yogurt (vanilla flavor) and chicken gumbo. I won’t eat them at the same time. Gumbo first… Doesn’t that sound good? The diet has changed.

#5. There’s been some chilly weather the past couple days and it’s given me the opportunity to wear my favorite knit hat. I look ridiculous in it but I don’t care. The weather has changed.

#6. I usually put a squirt or two of Dr. Bonner’s Peppermint Soap in my bath. It makes it smell really good and it is very soothing. Well, while at Whole Foods I saw that they also make Dr. Bonner’s Soap with a lavender scent. I bought that. The bath routine has changed.

#7. I finished the book The Imperfectionists and started Endgame (the biography of Bobby Fischer.) I highly recommend The Imperfectionists. It’s the story of an english newspaper based in Rome and the people who run it. Besides my accolades it’s gotten some wonderful reviews from other people as well…the kind of people who rarely use spellcheck (I’m not sure what I meant by that.) Now, I am fascinated by the Bobby Fischer bio and am reading it voraciously. The book has changed.

#8. For the first time in a long time I have enough money in the bank to relax a little bit. I have a cushion. This means I’ll be paying my car registration on time and getting an oil change. I’ll be paying all of my bills on time instead of some and not others. The financial situation has changed.

So, I guess the big question is… With all these changes around me I wonder if I have changed… I mean, a lot of my life has remained the same (the apartment, the family, the job, my best friend, the therapist, the car, the dog, the medications, the death wish, etc…) But it is possible that something in me might be the slightest bit different. I feel strange…Like, maybe a little more, dare I say, relaxed?…The Great Experiment continues….

Getting It Done.

Tue, 05 Apr 2011 17:35:13 -0700

It’s been a few days since I’ve written. It is not because I have lost any resolve in The Great Experiment just in case you were worried. I didn’t write because I was working like a dog. It seemed that every time I went to work something out of the ordinary would occur. It all started when I had those “turn-around” shifts and got only a couple of hours sleep before I had to go to work again. Then, Bindi and Terri Irwin came to do a book signing. You know who they are. They are Steve Irwin’s (The Crocodile Hunter) widow and daughter. I just wanna broadcast to everyone out there that the Irwins are gracious and kind. They even gave me and our community relations manager a gift bag with all kinds of stuff from the Australia Zoo. A lot of people came to the signing which means that there was a big mess to clean up after the signing. I had a closing shift that night and was still sleep deprived. Then came Saturday night. All hell broke loose at the store. If you had hired a group of people to trash the store on purpose it would have looked no different than what it looked like Saturday night after closing. Now, our store has three floors. I was assigned to the second floor with a co-worker who seems to be bothered by, well, everything. She is constantly talking about “what a bitch” this customer was and “how fucking obnoxious” that customer was. Being bombarded with that for 8 hours is exhausting. To make matters worse, the people working on the third floor were completely disorganized and on a Saturday night that just isn’t acceptable. My co-worker (who is bothered by everyone) now started complaining about having to clean up the third floor as well as the second floor because the “idiots” up there were “so fucking stupid.” At which point I wanted to point out that complaining about it wasn’t going to get us out of there any sooner. But I didn’t because this was a clear case of trying to teach a pig to sing. Ever here that saying? Never teach a pig to sing because it’s frustrating for you and it annoys the pig. Trying to tell my co-worker to stop complaining would have just pissed her off. One good thing came out of it… I did give her a secret Indian name. I now secretly call her: Bothered By Everyone and from now on, dear readers, that is what I will call her when I refer to her.

Sunday was another hard day because I was assigned to the cash-wrap. I HATE working the cash register. Handling other people’s money scares me. When one works the register, you are expected to sell memberships. I’m not very good at it but last Sunday I whooped butt and sold 9 of them. I think that’s a personal record. My shift was from 12-8PM. Sunday was the only day I didn’t walk to work. My back hurt really badly that day so I thought I’d give it a rest. You have to be on your toes when you work the register. You have to be kind, you have to make sure the prices ring up correctly, you have to give back the correct change, you have to watch out for people trying to write bad checks or pass counterfeit money, you have to try and sell them a membership, you have to put their receipt in their bag and the store receipt in the register, and you have to make sure you validate their parking stub. Of all the posts I am assigned to work at the store, cashiering is by far the most taxing.

Yesterday, I worked until 4PM. For the life of me I don’t know what I did all day. I am just too exhausted to remember. Which brings us to today - my day off. Since I had worked 6 of the last 7 days I desperately needed to go grocery shopping , clean the apartment, and do laundry. I got it all done. I can’t believe I did it. And now I am sitting comfortably in my chair resting and rambling on and on.

During the time I had to work so much I think I ate fairly well. All except yesterday when all self control went out the window. I got home and ate everything in sight. I think the eating frenzy was triggered by an incident that upset me at work. I won’t get into it now, just suffice to say that I felt taken advantage of. While I was eating, however, I became aware of why I was eating like that. In the future, I’ll try to vent my frustrations in another manner that doesn’t jeopardize The Great Experiment. All suggestions are welcome.

It's Friday...I think.

Fri, 01 Apr 2011 20:54:42 -0700

My God…Last night I worked until 12:32AM because we had to recover the store perfectly because the VP of the company was coming for a visit. I found this out last night when I arrived. That was an extra half an hour that I hadn’t planned on. I was really hoping to get out early last night because they scheduled me to work today from 7:00AM until 3:00PM. Now let me tell you a little something about working in retail. It takes at least an hour to wind down from a shift no matter when it ends. So, last night, after walking home I arrived around 1:00AM. Then I walked the dog - 1:15AM. Then I got into my pajamas and brushed my teeth and went to bed - 1:30AM. Then I tried to go to sleep…The last time I checked the clock before I finally fell asleep was 2:29AM. The alarm was set for 5:15AM… When it went off, I hit the snooze button only once because of my commitment to better health . I dressed, walked the dog, and was once again walking to work after only 2 hours and 45 minutes of sleep. How’s that for commitment?! Ok, you can stop clapping because on the way to work , in addition to a much needed cup of coffee, I ate a chocolate croissant from Porto’s again. That has been my only weak choice of food all day. When I weigh myself again we’ll see if these detours have made a great deal of difference (the suspense mounts.)

Right now I feel like I did when I was in college and I had crammed all night for a final. My head is buzzing. My eyes hurt. I’m not really sure what day it is. I can’t really remember what I did all day. I don’t feel tired but I don’t think I can fall asleep either…and weirdest of all - I keep thinking about Cap’n Crunch cereal. How random is that?!

I Just Gotta Hold On...

Thu, 31 Mar 2011 13:51:48 -0700

I have this cousin, see, and he drinks all the time. A lot of my family members have alienated him because they’ve had enough of the scenes he’s caused, and I can’t blame them. People can only take so much yelling and screaming and drinking before you’re not welcome in their house anymore. There have also been incidents of him getting physically threatening too. It would seem to be a no brainer to stay away from him but here’s the rub: He is, BY FAR, the kindest person I know. I’ve never met a person yet who has a heart like his. He is also extremely intelligent and a genuis with computers and, well, I love him and always will. Sure he’s a handful. I’ve gone hours without being able to concur or disagree with an argument he’s having because it’s impossible to get in a word edgewise. But then there are also times when he slows down enough to show you how magnificent a human being he can be. So, that’s where I was yesterday - visiting the crazy cousin. I wanted to visit with him and catch up, but I also wanted him to give my new laptop his seal of approval. We, well, he, talked for a while and then went to lunch. When we came back to his apartment he showed me everything I could possibly want to know about Windows 7. By the time I came home my brain was so fried that I felt like I was dreaming. It’s an awful feeling when that happens and I just gotta hold on until I regain my bearings. As of this morning, my bearings regained, and I am back to blogging and reporting on the battle of my weight.

Yesterday, I had a healthy breakfast, banana and a little almond butter, but when lunch came around I was so disoriented from hanging out with my cousin that I actually forgot I was on a diet. My cousin and I went to Irv’s Burgers in West Hollywood. It’s an historic landmark. Irv has since died but a chinese family has taken it over and it’s as good as it ever was. Go to Irv’s… It’s right there on Santa Monica Blvd., just west of Crescent Heights. (I had a veggie burger with cheese.) When I got home I ate a frozen dinner and streamed documentaries from Netflix until I fell asleep.

Today is altogether different. I am much calmer and in control. I ate the same breakfast as yesterday, had a tuna and veggie sandwich with a little avocado stuck in there for lunch, and for dinner I’ll have a pre-made salad from Trader Joe’s. I work from 4 to midnight. As per the plan, I’m walkin’. But I want extra kudos for walking because it’s hotter than hell today. I am also happy to report that at 9:00 o’clock this morning (after breakfast and before it got hot) I played tennis. I like to exercise…hmmm…

Crazy Day 3

Tue, 29 Mar 2011 13:05:31 -0700

I’m rushed today. Fertile ground for eating the wrong things, but, I cleared the first hurdle of the day which was stopping for my weekly treat of MacDonald’s. You see, I live in Southern California which means, of course, that I need two things to survive in this town: 1. A car, and 2. A therapist. Every tuesday I drive to my appointment. By the time I get outta there it’s lunch time and I’m ravenous. Mickey D’s usually solves the problem but not today. Today I drove right by, made it home and put in a weight watchers meal (broccoli and cheese potatoes.) I don’t have much time until the next event which is a full shift at work. There’es a lot to do before then… I am going to make a tuna with vegetables sandwich to bring with me for dinner. I also have to take a nap, get in my work clothes, walk the dog, and feed the dog. The nap is crutial. I am exhausted after therapy and the thought of working until midnight without a rest is out of the question. (Maybe later we’ll get into why therapy does that to me,but not today.) I guess it’s time to reveal what line of work I am in. I am a bookseller for a prominent bookstore. I’m not sure I’m allowed to tell which one it is so I’ll give you a hint: It rhymes with Narnes & Boble. The fact that I work at a bookstore might indicate that I have a love of books. True. It is my hope that one day a customer will ask me my opinion on a piece of literature. However, the two most frequently questions asked of me are 1. “Where’s the restroom?” and 2. “Do you work here?” (we wear huge nameplates around our necks.) Tonight I work from 4:00PM to Midnight. The store will be a mad house tonight because Serj Tankian is having a book signing at 7:00 PM. I’m working the event and quite frankly, I’m just not in the mood for it. But there isn’t much I can do about it except slowly take each moment as it comes. I have a tendency to get overwhelmed. It’s OK. I’m working on it in therapy. Anyways, I’m still going to walk to and from work even though I’ll be walking home in the middle of the night. I’ve done it before. I’m not worried. What I AM worried about is staying out of the cafe where cookies, cream puffs, and cheese cake beckon me to eat them…

Houston, we have lettuce - Day 2

Mon, 28 Mar 2011 18:25:54 -0700

Ok, it’s salad for dinner tonight! It has been a long time since I’ve purchased lettuce. I didn’t know it was so expensive… What the hell is that about? Anyways, I’ve put the veggies and lettuce in a bowl and cut up some low fat weight watchers string cheese and threw that in too. Now all I have to do is make the dressing. But, I’m not hungry yet so I’m gonna wait. I’m not hungry because I ate a bowl of cereal after I woke up from taking a nap this afternoon. I like to wake up and eat right away. I’m gonna have to monitor that. The cereal slip-up was my only impulsive eating fiasco today. Much better than yesterday.

And now, the news I hate to publish but is necessary for the integrity of “The Great Experiment”… The weigh-in results: 193 pounds. I’ve done my best to stop myself from obsessing about that number but it has not been easy. I guess I can only say that I’m determined to make that number go down and that it’s the highest it’s ever going to be again.

For the record, I have to adjust my original stance of being purely self motivated. Having people follow this experiment motivates me too. So, I stand corrected. I don’t want to get all mushy so I’ll just stop right here.

And finally, have you ever “Googled” yourself? Hold on. Let’s just stop right there for a second. In the first place Google didn’t exist when I was growing up. Secondly, I am a little disturbed that I am now using it as a verb that anyone will understand (and there’s a chance it might be in the dictionary now.) And thirdly, let’s be honest, it sounds kinda perverted. Anyway, I googled myself today. It mostly listed the few television shows I did and who my parents were, but there was one website that made me laugh out loud. It said, and I quote: : “Candace Savalas is a famous person.Our editors need your help to write the biography of Candace Savalas.“ Uh oh… I better be careful. I don’t want the paparazzi snapping pictures of me in my 193 lb. body! God only knows how much I’d be mortified if I got on the cover of Star headlined: “Candace Savalas fatter than Kirstie Alley! See page 10.”

Until next time, dear readers.